Was the first person to break your heart the boy next door, your long-term partner? Was it dramatic, surprisingly inconsequential? Did it happen later in life? We want to know…
My little high school boyfriend asked me in our 30’s whether our break up had psychologically scarred me. The arrogance. And then tried to get back together again after. The nerve. And anyway he aged from his 30’s to 50’s in like five years. Thank God that didn’t work out. But also, he wondered if he had hurt me. Come to think of it though, my husband, he’s never asked me that question.
When I was 13, my mom was dating an old fling back from school age days. And well…. To my surprise his son was my first love. My mom brought us over her boyfriend’s house to meet his kids and he happened to be the oldest boy (15). Immediately we locked eyes as I walked through the door, but it was very innocent….. we never pursued anything given we could potentially be siblings in law (ew).
Fast forward when I was 18, we always stayed connected via social media, and my mom and her old fling stopped dating when I was about 14 years old. So we didn’t hangout anymore after that, I posted on social media here and there and he would message me asking how I was. Like I said—very innocent beginnings…. But I know I’d fall in love eventually.
My senior year was a huge highlight for me, so when we reconnected I was way more confident, outgoing and happy. But then my grandma passed away right after my graduation and he was there for me…. He’d come check on me and bring me food and we’d just talk for hours. We were inseparable, he got his first car and started to pick me up everyday and we’d share our stories together and have endless make out sessions. Well I knew our connection was real because we never ever had deep misunderstandings, even if there was something going on he understood me deeper than most. Finishing my sentences…He could always calm my spirit in chaos, annoy me with his endless talking and all at the same time I never wanted him to stop. I loved him and he loved me.
We were young, not really dumb but we were unaware of how fast young love can unravel… I decided to move to a different state after a few months of us dating and it truly broke my heart and his, I begged him to come with me…. But he had his own things to go through as a young adult, which—I understood but apart of me just wanted him to fully choose me. Something I never really felt before was being fully chosen in an instant. I wanted that so badly.
My family had a going away party and he attended and met more of my extended family that day, it was nice but everything felt so bittersweet and rushed, given my grandmother had passed everything felt unreal and out of control. He cried that day when he knew for sure I was leaving, that time I knew I’d love him forever… regardless of our outcome. He loved me endlessly and I loved him. Unraveling together at 18 and 20 years old we knew nothing but everything at the same time.
Parts of me knew it would become true that we’d no longer be together…. I couldn’t face that reality until I officially moved away….
After a few months of being away I came home a few times to visit him, but I wanted him so badly to come visit me. But situations happened where we just couldn’t do long distance anymore.
One day, I saw him post on my timeline of social media, and my heart plummeted so fast….. my eyes filled with oceans deeper than the deep blue sea, my heart was pounding out of my chest I felt it was the end. Another woman was in his picture, another woman was holding him the way I use to, another woman got to crawl in his bed and talk for hours…… it hurt me beyond words.
I was officially out of state for about 6 months and that was my first time he ever saw me so upset. I called him and he heard every word but the mother of god. He had remorse but also I had to understand long distance was not for us and we weren’t official anymore…. I lost all senses that day. I stayed in bed and watched the wall like it was a tv screen for months, at the time I was in school and I could barely focus on the paper in front of me. Every voice around me always sounded so muffled. It hurt. So badly I wanted to move back, I wanted that feeling to arise within me again…. But not for him…. He didn’t deserve it any more. I thought we would last through miles in between. But we didn’t. The reality is I loved him enough to go the distance… country to country , city to city….across towns for him.
That reality lives within me till this day that we’ll never be again. And that version of me that loved him is gone.
In sixth grade there were identical twin boys whom all the girls in the school crushed on. I happened to sit next to one, the one considered the funny one and not the handsome one. He was my first crush and I hoped he would ask me to the sixth grade prom. My best friend was into the “handsome”’twin. Instead the “handsome” twin asked me and the “funny” twin asked my best friend. I said no to my twin, but my friend said yes to my crush. It definitely changed the way I looked at my friend. It was my first introduction to how girl friends can’t always be trusted as well as my first heartbreak.
My little high school boyfriend asked me in our 30’s whether our break up had psychologically scarred me. The arrogance. And then tried to get back together again after. The nerve. And anyway he aged from his 30’s to 50’s in like five years. Thank God that didn’t work out. But also, he wondered if he had hurt me. Come to think of it though, my husband, he’s never asked me that question.
When I was 13, my mom was dating an old fling back from school age days. And well…. To my surprise his son was my first love. My mom brought us over her boyfriend’s house to meet his kids and he happened to be the oldest boy (15). Immediately we locked eyes as I walked through the door, but it was very innocent….. we never pursued anything given we could potentially be siblings in law (ew).
Fast forward when I was 18, we always stayed connected via social media, and my mom and her old fling stopped dating when I was about 14 years old. So we didn’t hangout anymore after that, I posted on social media here and there and he would message me asking how I was. Like I said—very innocent beginnings…. But I know I’d fall in love eventually.
My senior year was a huge highlight for me, so when we reconnected I was way more confident, outgoing and happy. But then my grandma passed away right after my graduation and he was there for me…. He’d come check on me and bring me food and we’d just talk for hours. We were inseparable, he got his first car and started to pick me up everyday and we’d share our stories together and have endless make out sessions. Well I knew our connection was real because we never ever had deep misunderstandings, even if there was something going on he understood me deeper than most. Finishing my sentences…He could always calm my spirit in chaos, annoy me with his endless talking and all at the same time I never wanted him to stop. I loved him and he loved me.
We were young, not really dumb but we were unaware of how fast young love can unravel… I decided to move to a different state after a few months of us dating and it truly broke my heart and his, I begged him to come with me…. But he had his own things to go through as a young adult, which—I understood but apart of me just wanted him to fully choose me. Something I never really felt before was being fully chosen in an instant. I wanted that so badly.
My family had a going away party and he attended and met more of my extended family that day, it was nice but everything felt so bittersweet and rushed, given my grandmother had passed everything felt unreal and out of control. He cried that day when he knew for sure I was leaving, that time I knew I’d love him forever… regardless of our outcome. He loved me endlessly and I loved him. Unraveling together at 18 and 20 years old we knew nothing but everything at the same time.
Parts of me knew it would become true that we’d no longer be together…. I couldn’t face that reality until I officially moved away….
After a few months of being away I came home a few times to visit him, but I wanted him so badly to come visit me. But situations happened where we just couldn’t do long distance anymore.
One day, I saw him post on my timeline of social media, and my heart plummeted so fast….. my eyes filled with oceans deeper than the deep blue sea, my heart was pounding out of my chest I felt it was the end. Another woman was in his picture, another woman was holding him the way I use to, another woman got to crawl in his bed and talk for hours…… it hurt me beyond words.
I was officially out of state for about 6 months and that was my first time he ever saw me so upset. I called him and he heard every word but the mother of god. He had remorse but also I had to understand long distance was not for us and we weren’t official anymore…. I lost all senses that day. I stayed in bed and watched the wall like it was a tv screen for months, at the time I was in school and I could barely focus on the paper in front of me. Every voice around me always sounded so muffled. It hurt. So badly I wanted to move back, I wanted that feeling to arise within me again…. But not for him…. He didn’t deserve it any more. I thought we would last through miles in between. But we didn’t. The reality is I loved him enough to go the distance… country to country , city to city….across towns for him.
That reality lives within me till this day that we’ll never be again. And that version of me that loved him is gone.
I’m sorry for your heartbreak. I felt the shock you described when you shared about seeing his post with someone else.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I tried to describe how I felt the best I could.
In sixth grade there were identical twin boys whom all the girls in the school crushed on. I happened to sit next to one, the one considered the funny one and not the handsome one. He was my first crush and I hoped he would ask me to the sixth grade prom. My best friend was into the “handsome”’twin. Instead the “handsome” twin asked me and the “funny” twin asked my best friend. I said no to my twin, but my friend said yes to my crush. It definitely changed the way I looked at my friend. It was my first introduction to how girl friends can’t always be trusted as well as my first heartbreak.
Ugh, mean girls. Hopefully she learned how hurtful something like that is over time and maturity.